


I missed it (you)

by ssa_archivist



Category: Smallville
Genre: Angst, Futurefic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-12-09
Updated: 2005-12-09
Packaged: 2017-11-01 06:23:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/353071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ssa_archivist/pseuds/ssa_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Most people would rather be certain they're miserable than risk being happy (Robert Anthony). [11/18/03]</p>
            </blockquote>





	I missed it (you)

## I missed it (you)

by silvina

[]()

* * *

Standard Disclaimer. Disclaimers are like the character of Lana Lang. Vaguely annoying at best. Please send comments, questions, compliments, and otters to sdelcul@yahoo.com. 

The best thing about Mozambique, at least in Lex Luthor's eyes, was that no one here knew who Lex Luthor was, and better yet, they couldn't care less. For the first year, sure he'd gotten stares. In a country of dark skinned people, a bald, white guy stood out. But people here didn't ask questions. They had more than enough to worry about in their own lives. The amazing thing was that no one had tracked him down. It might be because no one had cared enough to look very hard, but more likely he'd done a good job of covering his tracks. What reporter would think to look for a billionaire in the poorest of third world countries far away from civilization? The rumors had to have flown for the first few months. Rehab? Kidnapped? Fleeing indictment? 

How to explain that he hadn't realized what was right under his nose because he hadn't wanted to? And that when the truth was shoved in his face, he did the only thing he could do. He ran as far away as possible. 

The Daily Planet had taken out a half page ad congratulating its prize winning reporters Clark Kent and Lois Lane on tying the knot. Included was a picture of the happy couple with the groom's parents. It was all too unreal. 

One month earlier the groom had been in his office telling him that he was tired of lying to everybody. "It's not you, it's me." 

It had hurt horribly, but he would have survived. That wasn't enough though. A chance tv interview with Superman had him reeling. He'd been missing Clark something awful. The reporter made some stupid comment that had Superman blushing and trying to hide a sheepish grin, just as Lex looked up. Something happened with his sight, and suddenly he wasn't seeing Superman but simply Clark Kent in tights. Instantly his earlier pain had seemed like a big joke. 

But even this hadn't broken him the way finding out about Clark's wedding had. It was just too much. 

He hadn't planned on staying away so long, hiding had never been his style. The idea had been to give himself a chance to regroup. To absorb. To heal. Clark had let him down, and the number of times Clark had saved him, he'd thought that impossible. 

Each week had been easier, until he realized how much energy he'd invested in Clark. He'd been spending a lot more time in the community getting to know the people (801) and the kids (237). He was teaching physics at the high school and helping farmers. At first his suggestions hadn't been taken seriously, but as one by one they increased yield or decreased costs, or somehow helped, he became a respected member of the community, now 802. Or rather Jorge Fernandes did. 

After six months, he realized that he liked the respect, liked the acknowledgment of his contribution to a community instead of being talked about behind his back and occasionally to his face, no matter what he did. He liked walking down the road and receiving smiles and waves, and occasionally hugs from the people he passed. The children took to him in a way he hadn't expected to enjoy, not caring about his pale skin or lack of hair. He was content here, and so he stayed. 

It was with a sense of dread that he'd woken up that morning. It was the Lane-Kent's first wedding anniversary. He'd planned to fully ignore the significance of the day, but he'd taken the day off knowing he wouldn't be much good. The urge to go back to bed was hard to resist, but it was already two in the afternoon, and the knock on the door was one of his kids, as he thought of them. Perhaps the distraction would pull him out of his misery. 

"Good afternoon, Javier." he said formally. 

The seven year old giggled helplessly and Lex couldn't help but grin back. "What can I do for you?" 

"There's someone for you at the school." 

He sighed. Probably somebody to complain about his deviations from the state given curriculum. "All right. I'll be there in a second." 

He dressed, grabbing his grade book to prove the validity of his methods, before heading to the school. 

His visitor was pacing back and forth, and he turned as soon as Lex crossed the doorway, even though he hadn't made a sound. 

"Oh thank God." He was speechless as Clark pulled him into a hug, unsure if he'd rather slap him, or return the hug. He decided on neither, and pulled away. 

"Please leave, Mr. Kent. I am no longer newsworthy." 

"Lex." 

He turned, wanting nothing more then to end this torture as soon as possible. 

"Lex, please." 

He'd never been able to deny Clark what he wanted, the very same reason he'd allowed Clark to deceive and leave him. He stopped, but couldn't face Clark again. He spoke to the door instead. "What?" 

"I was wrong. I'm sorry." 

"Apology accepted. Now go away." 

"I miss our friendship, Lex. I miss you." The tone of voice was unmistakable and Lex almost broke. 

"Give my regards to your wife. I'm sure she's waiting for you to take her out and celebrate." 

"Celebrate?" 

"Your anniversary? You'll be sleeping on the couch unless you have a good excuse." He hated the way his bitterness bled through his voice. Amazing how much he could still hurt. 

He gathered the strength to turn around, just to prove to himself that he could face even Clark Kent. 

Clark blushed, and Lex flashed to the day he saw through the disguise. 

"Lois and I -- we aren't, -- I didn't-- It wasn't like that Lex." 

"I don't really care to hear about your marriage. See a counselor if you're having marital problems." He turned and found himself face to face with Clark. Damn that superspeed. It wasn't like he could shoulder his way past Superman, even if he could bring himself to touch Clark. 

"Lois and I divorced ten months ago." 

"I'm sorry to hear that. Please move out of the way." He reached out a hand to push at him, but Clark caught his hand and held it gently. 

"Let me go." 

"It wasn't real, Lex, not like you and me." 

"That's not my concern. Please let me go." 

"Is everything okay Mr. Fernandes?" A small voice piped up from behind Clark. 

"Everything is fine, Javier. Mr. Kent is an old . . . friend." He tried to take his hand back, but Clark didn't let go even as he turned to see the speaker. 

"Yes. I've known Mr. Fernandes for almost ten years now. He was just going to show me where he lives." 

"Cool. Are you going to stay a while? He's been lonely lately." 

"That's right Javier. I'm here to make sure he's never lonely again." 

"Good." Javier grinned at Clark before running off. 

"Damn you." 

"I'm not leaving until you hear me out. Here or there, your choice." 

He debated the wisdom of letting Clark into his house, but he didn't want to create a scene in front of the entire town. Better to let Clark clear his conscience and leave in private. "Fine. Have it your way." 

Clark stepped aside finally, and Lex walked off without checking to see if he was following. 

He opened his door, wishing he'd never gone to see who was looking for him. 

"How did you find me?" 

"A lot of looking." 

"Took time off from saving the world?" 

Clark shrugged. "Some things are more important. I can't be everywhere." 

"Doesn't sound like a very good superhero motto. What would the people of Metropolis think?" 

"That I was a jerk to say what I said to you, and even worse for what I did, including lying to you and marrying Lois." 

He sat down on his favorite arm chair, pointedly not offering Clark a seat. "So this is confession? My place being to absolve you of your sins so you don't feel guilty?" 

"No, I want you to know that I was lying to you to protect you and that I was scared and stupid and Lois was an excuse. She was at the right place at the wrong time and I lied to her and you and to myself. I thought things would be easier that way. For you, too." 

He didn't reply. 

"I'm so sorry, Lex." 

He sighed, feeling much older then 32. "I understand why you did what you did, Clark." 

The relief on Clark's face was obvious. 

"But that doesn't mean I can forget it. It's not your fault Clark, at least not all of it. I've changed a lot in the past year, I'm sure you have too. I like my life here. Leave me in peace to enjoy it. Please." His voice almost broke on the last word. Or was it that he was close to breaking? 

"I'll leave-" He relaxed, a little tiny part of him disappointed that Clark had given up so easily, while the greater part of him was just relieved. "if you can tell me one thing." 

"What?" 

"Tell me you don't still have feelings for me. Tell me you don't love me, can't love me, and I'll never bother you again." 

The words were on his lips. "I - I don't -- I." They should be so easy to say, but he couldn't. "It doesn't matter." 

"I think it does." 

"It's not up to you." 

"You're right. And I know I hurt you and you can't imagine how much I regret everything that happened. I can't even promise you that I'll never hurt you or that everything will be idyllic. It'll be hard and painful and just plain sucky at times." 

"Not exactly a ringing endorsement." 

"You'll always wonder though, and no matter how happy you are here, you'll still be lonely." 

As hard as it was to admit, he knew Clark was right. He couldn't hide here forever. "I don't know if I can." 

"Ok. I can accept that." Clark kneeled down in front of him, placing his hand over Lex's. 

So warm. So soft. It felt good having Clark touch him; it always had. Clark had been the first to touch him without fear or ulterior motive. 

"Can you give it a try?" 

He looked at Clark, really looked at him, wanting to see determination and hope, and well, love. 

And he did. 

"Yes." 


End file.
